{"product_id":"i-am-not-an-asshole-i-am-a-hemorrhoid-funny-sarcastic-humor-t-shirt","title":"I’m Not an Asshole, I’m a Hemorrhoid – Funny Sarcastic T-Shirt","description":"\u003cp\u003eNot an asshole—just professionally irritating them. 😂\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eThis hilarious graphic tee features the savage quote:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e“I’m not an asshole, I’m a hemorrhoid. I irritate assholes.”\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eSimple typography, brutal humor, and absolutely zero filter. Perfect for anyone who loves sarcastic jokes, dark humor, inappropriate sayings, and shirts that make people stop and read twice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\n\u003cp\u003eGreat for birthdays, gag gifts, parties, casual wear, or that one friend who proudly admits they’re difficult.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cstyle type=\"text\/css\"\u003e\/* 重要：所有样式都限定在 .sc-wrapper 这个类名下 \n       这样就不会影响 Shopify 落地页的其他部分\n    *\/\n    \n    .sc-wrapper {\n        font-family: Arial, sans-serif;\n        color: #333;\n        width: 100%;\n        box-sizing: border-box;\n    }\n\n    \/* 隐藏单选框 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper input[name=\"unit-toggle\"] {\n        display: none !important; \/* 加上important防止被主题样式覆盖 *\/\n    }\n\n    \/* 按钮容器 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper .toggle-controls {\n        display: flex;\n        justify-content: center;\n        gap: 10px;\n        margin-bottom: 20px;\n    }\n\n    \/* 按钮样式 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper .toggle-btn {\n        padding: 10px 30px;\n        border: 1px solid #000;\n        background-color: #fff;\n        color: #000;\n        cursor: pointer;\n        font-size: 16px;\n        font-weight: bold;\n        transition: all 0.3s ease;\n        user-select: none;\n        margin: 0; \/* 重置可能的主题margin *\/\n        line-height: normal;\n    }\n\n    \/* 选中状态逻辑 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper #tab-cm:checked ~ .toggle-controls label[for=\"tab-cm\"],\n    .sc-wrapper #tab-in:checked ~ .toggle-controls label[for=\"tab-in\"] {\n        background-color: #000;\n        color: #fff;\n    }\n\n    \/* 内容区域默认隐藏 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper .size-tables {\n        display: none;\n        width: 100%;\n    }\n\n    \/* 切换显示逻辑 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper #tab-cm:checked ~ .cm-content,\n    .sc-wrapper #tab-in:checked ~ .in-content {\n        display: block;\n        animation: sc-fadeIn 0.5s;\n    }\n\n    @keyframes sc-fadeIn {\n        from { opacity: 0; }\n        to { opacity: 1; }\n    }\n\n    \/* 表格样式 - 增加权重防止被主题覆盖 *\/\n    .sc-wrapper table {\n        border-collapse: collapse; \n        font-size: 16px; \n        width: 100%;\n        margin-bottom: 30px;\n        background-color: transparent;\n        margin-left: 0;\n        margin-right: 0;\n    }\n    \n    .sc-wrapper td {\n        border: 1px solid #ddd;\n        padding: 8px;\n        text-align: center; \/* 确保文字居中 *\/\n    }\n\n    .sc-wrapper .header-title {\n        text-align: center; \n        background-color: #f0f0f0; \n        font-weight: bold;\n    }\n    \n    \/* 移动端优化 *\/\n    @media (max-width: 600px) {\n        .sc-wrapper table { font-size: 12px; }\n        .sc-wrapper .toggle-btn { padding: 8px 20px; font-size: 14px; }\n    }\n\u003c\/style\u003e\n\u003c!-- 添加了一个唯一的容器 ID\/Class 包裹所有内容 --\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"sc-wrapper\"\u003e\n\u003c!-- 1. 隐藏的控制开关 --\u003e\u003cinput checked id=\"tab-cm\" name=\"unit-toggle\" type=\"radio\"\u003e \u003cinput id=\"tab-in\" name=\"unit-toggle\" type=\"radio\"\u003e \u003c!-- 2. 可视化的按钮 --\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"toggle-controls\"\u003e\n\u003clabel class=\"toggle-btn\" for=\"tab-cm\"\u003eCM\u003c\/label\u003e \u003clabel class=\"toggle-btn\" for=\"tab-in\"\u003eIN\u003c\/label\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c!-- 3. CM 内容区域 --\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"size-tables cm-content\"\u003e\n\u003c!-- TEE CM 表格 --\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\t\u003ctbody\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd class=\"header-title\" colspan=\"5\"\u003eTEE (CM)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr style=\"background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 13%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSIZE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 22%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 15%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBUST\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 29%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSHOULDER\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 19%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e63\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e92\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e98\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e44\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e19\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e70\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e104\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e47\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e74\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e110\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e50\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e78\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e116\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e82\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e122\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e56\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e83\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e128\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e59\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c!-- Hoodie CM 表格 --\u003e\n\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\t\u003ctbody\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd class=\"header-title\" colspan=\"5\"\u003eSweatshirt\/Hoodie (CM)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr style=\"background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 13%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSIZE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 22%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 15%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBUST\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 29%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSHOULDER\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 19%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e65\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e102\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e48\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e56\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e68\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e108\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e51\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e57\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e71\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e114\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e54\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e58\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e74\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e120\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e56\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e59\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e77\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e126\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e58\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e60\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e81\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e132\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e60\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e84\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e138\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e62\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e62\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e\n\u003c!-- 4. IN 内容区域 --\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"size-tables in-content\"\u003e\n\u003c!-- TEE IN 表格 --\u003e\n\u003ctable\u003e\n\t\u003ctbody\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd class=\"header-title\" colspan=\"5\"\u003eTEE (INCH)\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr style=\"background-color: #f9f9f9;\"\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 13%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSIZE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 22%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 15%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eBUST\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 29%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSHOULDER\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd style=\"width: 19%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e24.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e36.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e16.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e7.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e26.0\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e38.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e17.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e7.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e27.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e40.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e18.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e7.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e29.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e43.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e19.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e8.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e30.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e20.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e9.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e32.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e48.0\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e22.0\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e10.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\t\u003ctr\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e32.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e50.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e23.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\t\u003ctd\u003e10.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\t\t\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\t\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003c!-- 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